Spiritual Integrity/Heather Ash Amara

the HUB way; shifting the paradigm locally and globally

2009-04-09T16:11:00.002-05:00

My passion has always been to support local community, and my heart has searched for a way to also make a global impact that really does foster international change. I've seen the effects of poverty and limited resources first hand, and images of people living in cardboard huts and begging on the street are always with me. I have felt so abundant in my life that I've wanted to let this abundance overflow to help others less fortunate than me, but I never found what felt like the right venue.

I'm so thrilled to share that I have found a way to help people in many ways, both locally and globally. I'm writing this to share about a new organization named HUB, Humanity Unites Brilliance. When I found out about it I was so excited that I signed the Toltec Center up and even though I am crazy busy I made the commitment to share this incredible new paradigm with others who may be interested.

This is the project that really inspired me.... check it out! Scroll to the bottom to see the video. Wow.
http://toltec.hubhub.org/globalmarketplace/index.php/bracelets/bracelets-obama.html

HUB is a resource for both its members and for the people it serves globally through microloans, education, and creating ways for communities to get clean water and good food. HUB's focus is on ending poverty and creating ways to help that empowers rather than fosters dependence. The founder started HUB because he wanted to link communities together and foster independence rather than just putting a bandaid on the issues of our global brothers and sisters.

Visit the Toltec Center's HUB website:
http://toltec.hubhub.org

I love HUB because

• Each month I know that I am tithing to an organization that is dedicated to creating
not just change, but a global paradigm shift.

• Their programs are the ones I have always wanted to support: microloans, education,
and creating sustainable empowerment rather than just emergency support

• They have an awesome store that directly supports the producers

• What they offer their members is phenomenal! Teleclasses, networking opportunities,
business support, inspiration.

• Whenever I see a video of one of the HUB founders I usually cry because they are
creating a new paradigm of change, one I've dreamt of and here it is

• I can rest into knowing each month I'm supporting a great organization that is supporting
global and local change.

There is a part of HUB that works as a kind of new multi-marketing forum to support the
organizations who are involved; so if you join you will also be supporting the Toltec Center
each month, which would be a huge gift to us. The "upline" are all spiritual organizations
or individuals who are engaged in raising consciousness. Yes!

I did not get into HUB for the money potential to TCCI, but it is a nice thing! I got into HUB
because I believe in their vision and the work their founders and supporters are doing.

One of the best ways to learn more about HUB is a video:
http://www.hubhub.org/videofeed.php

Toltec Center's HUB website:
http://toltec.hubhub.org

Here is a message from the founder:

Why I Am So Passionate About Humanity Unites Brilliance

A special message from Charlie Stuart Gay,
HUB Visionary

“My life changed in February of 2007.
Perhaps yours will change today”

In 2007 questions dawned that the generations-old relied upon models of charity giving and even aid implementation may not be working.

Having been involved in high profile business around the world, I was working uniting good works in Mozambique when cyclones and floods hit, forcing a massive refugee influx into camps. Although non-profits rushed in, the situation remained dire due to lack of funds and resources. In that moment, I could not ignore my own belief that I could do something. Reaching out to my own circle of influence, I contacted my friend, Larry Jones at Feed The Children he quickly distributed over $2 million of life enriching meals. We had met the needs of the starving families in that moment.

The next day I birthed the idea for Humanity Unites Brilliance, to combine all our brilliances, yours and mine to make each of us the best we can be in our own lives; to receive the gift of service for myself and then share my gifts with you and the world. If 400,000 people do the same, the world would be a thriving, creatively inspiring and caring place to be.

The voice of the world called me and then my call has been heard by so many brilliant others today.

Inspiration led to action. Action led to HUB.

Today thousands of members have been inspired and taken action, impacting tens of thousands in their lives. HUB connects your brilliance with other like-minded, heart-centered people, social change leaders and organizations, and helps you to use your passions to change your world. We use personal development training and education, , as an economic engine to generate on-going humanitarian aid and impact in your life and in the world.

A new business model for today’s world.

When you join HUB, we actively teach you through a Wealth Center, Wisdom Center and Social Activist Center how to magnify your living and giving and how to encourage others to do the same. The worlds finest social change leaders, wealth coaches and business trainers are ready to support you with a product and a community designed both to meet your needs today and the challenge of our world.

http://toltec.hubhub.org

Big love,

Heather Ash

--
Heather Ash Amara
Spiritual Co-Director/Creative Pixie

TOLTEC CENTER OF CREATIVE INTENT
and Spiritual Integrity Coaching, Workshops, and Journeys
203 Stillwater Suite 2 Wimberley, TX 78676

Be the Artist of Your Spirit!

http://www.tolteccenter.org
http://www.spiritualintegrity.com

tolteccenter@gmail.com

Coffee and my Tattoo

2009-02-04T08:09:00.002-06:00

My writing assignment: Write about Coffee

My tattoo came about from a cup of coffee. It was college finals week, or maybe it was the year after I graduated. I was in the coffee shop on E Street in Davis. At that time it was dingy and grey and filled with caffeinated students. The dark coffee yin-yanged nicely with the white thick cups. The place smelled of cigarette-drenched clothing, nervous energy, and layers of espressos and cappuccinos.

I carefully took the almost full mug to the make-it-lighter station--half and half, whole milk, non-fat milk, sugar. I didn't drink soy milk at the time so I didn't ask for it. Coffee is truly best with the thickest milk product available, soothed down to the color of a muddy river after a hard rain.

For weeks I had been pondering what tattoo design to have etched onto my body for all time. The soft area just above and to the left of my hip was the canvas, but no image had appeared that inspired me. Until the coffee. And the cream.

It was one of those life moments when everything stops. The talking, the blare of the espresso machine, my thoughts. As I poured the half and half I dreamily stared into the deep depths of my coffee. As whiteness touched darkness some mysterious dance caused the cream to swirl into a tiny spiral at the center of the cup and then swirl out to create four perfectly spaced wavy lines at right angles to each other. My being took a multi-dimensional snap shot--my arm holding the half and half pitcher high, the light through the windows behind me, tables and chairs and bodies and dark, roasted beans. I became all of them. Everything was sweetly connected and the world clicked into focus, not as something separate from me, but a tapestry I was woven into with the finest artistic touch. When you step back you can see the whole picture emerge from seemingly separate threads.

The cream dissolved into the darkness, changing it forever. But the sacred design coffee and cream created stayed with me--the spiral of change surrounded by the four directions. I drank the holy cup. Later I breathed through the needle that irrevokably inked dark blue cream onto my cafe au lait skin, where it continues to remind me that revelation can come in a coffee cup.

Cleansing Lense for 2009

2009-01-24T10:56:00.001-06:00

Creating Space
A Spiritual Community Cleanse

By Heather Ash Amara
All of the emotional, physical, and mental unweaving and clearing we
do can be boiled down to one focus: by clearing out what we are not,
we create space for the Divine to enter us and remind us who we are.
The more space we have internally the easier it is to listen and tap
into Spirit's wisdom and clarity.

When I worked with don Miguel our Toltec community did a physical
cleanse once a year for Lent (about a month and 1/2 between Ash
Wednesday and Easter). This was always a sacred time for me, and a
time of huge growth.

This year we want to start a new tradition by setting intent for a
community cleansing time from Candlemas (also known as Imbolc) on
February 2nd to the Spring Equinox (also known as Eostar) on March
20th. Candlemas is a cross-quarter day that marks the mid-point
between Winter Solstice and Spring Equinox, and is a time of taking
stock. For our ancestors who lived by the cycles of the land Candlemas
was a time to feel into how much longer the winter was going to be,
and how much grain and provisions needed to be saved to get through
the final stretch. The light is returning, but we are still in winter,
waiting for the shoots and buds of spring to appear. We can use this
time of year to gently release what no longer serves us and gather our
energy and focus as we prepare for a rebirth at Spring Equinox.
There are many ways to work with the energy of this time of year to
create space and healing. The focus is to lovingly break up old
routines and remove distractions that keep you separated from Spirit.

Make sure as you form your own individual focus that the container is
one of heart and desire for more space for Spirit, rather than a
subtle punishment or creation out of frustration, judgment, or
self-punishment. This commitment is to yourself and is a prayer and
offering, a sacred gift to clean your temple to receive more of the
gracious presence of the Divine in your being.

Here are some ideas for your cleanse. Make sure to work with your
coach to come up with a solid focus that takes into account where you
are on your path. You want to make sure to not overload yourself. And
also step up! What I have experienced is that the strong energy of the
community carried me along in beautiful ways, beyond what I thought
was possible.

MENTAL CLEANSE
• Opinion fast
Refrain from sharing any opinion you have with others. This is
especially useful for controllers. Start by defining what is an
opinion, and have a focus for what you are going to do instead of
sharing your opinion. Where you are moving towards is not even having
the opinion arise in your mind.

• Silence
Partial or Full Silence: Pick one day a week to be in silence, or go
into silence for the entire time period. It is possible to continue to
work and interact in silence, it just takes creativity. Read more
about my 40 days of silence at:
http://www.spiritualintegrity.com/content/the-power-of-silence

• Mindfulness practice
Pick a place where you tend to go unconscious and create a mindfulness
practice, such as saying a prayer before eating and giving your food
your full attention, staying conscious of your breath throughout the
day, sitting quietly instead of reading or watching TV.

EMOTIONAL CLEANSE
• Repression fast
If you tend to bottle up your emotions this is a good cleanse to take
on. The fast is from any type of repression of your emotions, which
means you consciously express any emotions that arise in the moment.
• Expression fast
If you tend to cycle emotions or stories an expression fast invites
you to pick one emotion/state (anger, victim, fear) and consciously
choose not to express. You will need to give yourself a focus for what
you will do instead of expressing that emotion or story.
• Distraction fast
Pick your favorite distraction (TV, video games, alcohol, looking in
the mirror) and stop doing it! What will you replace it with….

PHYSICAL CLEANSE
• Refraining
Pick one food and stop eating it. Practice staying open-hearted and
soft around the item, not closing to it. Example: if you pick
chocolate after a week or so put yourself around chocolate or people
eating chocolate and watch what arises when you refrain. Be curious
about its purpose and effects in your life.
• Partial Cleanse
Choose a category of food to refrain from: sugar, bread, coffee, etc.
See notes above for staying open-hearted.
• Full Cleanse

Commit to a thorough cleansing program and stick to it. We recommend
Arise and Shine www.ariseandshine.com, which is the best cleansing
program we have found. For this cleanse you will probably need to
start now to get your body alkalized. For any full cleanse make sure
you start slow so the detox process is gentle. Educate yourself first!
All of these cleanses, from mental to emotional to physical, are
interwoven. When you do a mental cleanse you will also have the
opportunity to cleanse your emotional body. When you do a physical
cleanse you will get to find loving discipline with your mind.

Whichever cleanse you choose, from the most simple to the most
challenging, be conscious about how you set it into motion. Plan a
ceremony to initiate yourself into your commitment on February 2nd.
We encourage each of you to talk your commitment over with your coach
and then write to your Spiritual Integrity google group and share what
you will be cleansing; this way we will all share in each other's
commitments. And watch how you think and talk about your cleanse;
remember it is a joy to make more space, not a chore! Enjoy!

I quit

2009-01-09T17:27:00.000-06:00

This morning I fired myself from running my life. To be fair, I've done a pretty good job up to this point. I'm in a great relationship, I love where I live, I love my work. I have great friends and a sweet dog. But I have noticed that I keep getting in my own way. I know that the universe is infinite and boundless yet I keep acting as if there were limits. I know my replacement will do a much better job of running things than I have. So, I officially offer my resignation from trying to control my life, from thinking I should be doing something different, from second-guessing my choices, from believing that I need to be perfect. I resign from worrying about the future and from any anxiety about doing it wrong. I give notice, effective immediately, that I will no longer judge myself nor use the phases "what if" or "I should" followed by fearful or out of the present thoughts.

I've decided to join another company, one that is fair to its workers and doesn't force them to work overtime and on holidays. This new company believes in equality, creativity, and collaboration. It does not use fear and judgment as the motivating force for its workers, but supports love, passion, and excitement in all actions.

This company is called many things, but I have nicknamed it "God, Inc." I've freelanced for God, Inc. on the side, always wanting to keep my independence. I wanted to work my own way, make my own rules. But I'm tired of being my own boss and feeling understaffed and unsupported. I am look forward to working full time for someone else. I'm ready to work for someone who respects me, and yet has a bigger vision and the energy and capacity to make things happen.

By joining God, Inc. I'll have so much more access to tools, information, and resources. I'm joining a huge workforce of healers, teachers, shamans, visionaries, priests and priestesses who are in service to the main boss. She is very accessible and gives good guidance, but sometimes I've noticed I have to listen very carefully to hear what she is saying. She encourages her workers to be creative and bring passion to their jobs. Ah, what a gift to rest into the guidance of a boss who I trust and resonate with who will tell me how to run my life, and to work in an organization of so many like-minded, dedicated individuals who support me unconditionally.

Melting the Ice

2008-12-22T23:08:00.001-06:00

It is obvious that the world as we know it is being all shook up; weather-wise, financially, and structurally. Many of us are feeling this quickening, a knowing that we are in the midst of a great change, personally and collectively. I've talked to many people who are wanting to step into 2009 with open hearts and trusting the process, but are not sure how to hold steady when there is so much turmoil and fear in the world at this time.

There is a think tank in Cambridge, MA, a group of scientists and brainy folks, who are dedicated to studying the changes that are happening on our planet. Each day thousands of reports on social, environmental, and political shifts pour into their office, and they do their best to collate and explore the data so they can help predict future trends and potentials. They have accurately predicted many global events, including the recent financial collapses that started in September.

One of these scientists recently shared this metaphor: We have spent our lives as ice sculptures, and until now the temperature has stayed below freezing. So we look at ourselves as say, see, everything is okay! We are still ice, everything is still solid. There is no problem here. But the moment the temperature goes above 32 degrees everything is different; we change from ice to water. And in the world, he said, the there is no doubt that the temperature, both literally and figuratively, is going up.  It is time for us to become fluid water rather than solid ice, to blend together and realize our similarities rather than our differences, to let go of our individual identities and explore solutions for the collective.   What will best help during any transitions, whether our own or the planet's, is our capacity to be fluid and flow with what is arising. Fluidity allows us to stay present and enhances our ability to respond in creative ways to change.

* Thanks to my dear mentor, Peggy Dylan, for sharing this story with me because she felt it might benefit the people in our community. She heard this lecture at the Angsbaka festival in Europe this summer.

A few photos from our journeys...

2008-12-22T22:33:00.010-06:00

The Day of the Dead in Mexico is a vibrant community celebration to honor the dead. Filled with the symbolism of ancient Mexico, each altar is a tribute to those who have passed before us. Many families take their beloved dead's favorite foods and drink to the cemetery and spend the day celebrating. Many others build altars in their homes and create a trail of marigold petals out to the street, so the dead can find their way to the altar. The altars often have

sugar or chocolate skulls, water, and tequila to feed the dead who have traveled a long way to visit the living.

These pictures are from a huge altar we created as a group during our Teotihuacan journey this year. We built the altar as a group and then little individual areas within it. The double-headed snake is Quetzacoatl, the winged serpent that represents transformation. Each of us built a personal altar within the curves of the snake.

The second to last photo is of our group doing a ceremony at the plaza of the moon, and the final photo is one I took in Maui; I call it "Prayer," as both the tree and the person seem to be paying homage to the ocean.

The Story of Rebellion

2008-12-22T22:31:00.002-06:00

By Raven Smith

For many of us one of the biggest stories we tell ourselves is the story of rebellion. Many people get their first glimmers of the truth by rebelling against authority. We begin to question what everyone is telling us, we ask “why should I?” We start to wonder why other people’s ideas about what we should be doing are more important than ours. We challenge the tyranny of control we feel is being propagated against us, the unfairness of it all, and we righteously begin to claim our truth, our independence, “LET ME LIVE MY LIFE THE WAY I WANT TO!” we cry.

Some of us do this in big dramatic ways, and others do it in subtle ways, take a few minutes to think about how you have rebelled in your life and what you were rebelling against.

As we wake up to our spiritual path we are usually still carrying some measure of rebellion. It might be (and often is) the reason we take off on a spiritual path in the first place. The energy of rebellion drives us to question “normal” reality and to try and find what is beyond it. It is a strong energy and can take us quite far in our quest for the truth of who we really are and what this lifetime is about.

Having said that, at some point it is important to start questioning the story of rebellion. What is fairly clear with a little probing is that rebellion is not freedom. We think it is initially because we are challenging the existing structure and the righteous feeling we take on feels more powerful than we felt before, and we begin to take that feeling on as a statement of who we are rather than some “puppet” of the system. Can you feel it?

Yet we are now stuck with feeling “right” to someone else’s “wrong”. This constantly stimulates that same feeling of unfairness we started out trying to get away from, remember?

In fact the rebellion is another expression of the exact belief structure that made us feel trapped to begin with. The original control you were trying to counter was based on a system of right and wrong. You were doing wrong and someone was trying to make you do it right. Now you’ve made it so that you are doing something that is right and the original people are doing it wrong. Can you see how that is the exact same belief system underneath the surface? We still haven’t gotten free of anything, we just changed the frame, moved the furniture around a little, but we are still suffering from this sense of separation and not-rightness about the world. Darn!

The way through is to challenge the whole idea of right and wrong and fairness. How do you know you are right? Open the window up further and you can see you don’t know what is right for anyone except for you and only for you in this moment. Anything else is either self-importance and delusional projection about what someone else’s life is about or you projecting what worked for you in the past onto what is happening now. Which is also delusional as what is happening now is what is happening now, not what happened in the past. Sit with that for a minute.

A short study of the physical world around us in the form of nature can give great insight into the idea of “fairness”. Plants get eaten by bugs, bugs get eaten by birds, birds by cats, cats by dogs, and dogs are slaves of the humans, ordered about and endlessly domesticated. What is fair about any of that? The truth is life isn’t fair, so a great exploration is to ask, “Who told me it was going to be fair?”

Once we take on the belief it is supposed to be fair we immediately start seeing all the ways it is not and begin arguing with reality about What Is, and off we go on the path of rebellion.

The way through is deep contemplation on the falsity of right vs wrong and fairness. We have to get clear about what we believe and how these beliefs affect our experience of the world. Then we must find a way to reclaim the energy we have invested in these stories, this is what recapitulation is all about. Only then will we have enough attention and energy freed up to stop letting the story of rebellion rule our perception of reality.

Again, what we are working on is removing our investment in the story, our identification with it. We need to separate out the energy of rebellion from the unconscious story of rebellion. We can use that frequency of energy to constantly question our beliefs and free us to make conscious choices, or we can use it to fight against reality and thereby create suffering in our lives. Once again it’s all about choice!

don Miguel and the Angel of Death

2008-09-22T21:27:00.003-05:00

Note: don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements, has been one of the major influences in my life. I apprenticed with him in 1994 and over the years I worked with him directly I grew from a child to a woman, from a victim to a spiritual warrior. "don" is a title of respect.

I was mad. "I was fine when he died before, why am I not fine with him being dead again?" I had logically thought it out, wept, pouted, and processed but it still was not changing the fact that I felt like having a temper tantrum whenever I thought of don Miguel dying a second time.

don Miguel's first death came after a heart attack five or six years ago. And even that is not accurate, because don Miguel, like all of us that worked with him, died over and over again as part of his spiritual path. For the Toltecs death is a great advisor, and the Angel of Death teaches us how to truly live. She owns everything; our body, our house, our children, our self-identity. By embracing death as inevitable we learn to release our attachments and come into a place of incredible gratitude and joy for the gift of life. The Toltec relationship with death is not morbid but very freeing and sweet. So don Miguel had died metaphysically, metaphorically many times. His heart attack was my first experience of him dying physically.

I was in Maui with a group when I received the call that don Miguel was in the hospital. I sat in stunned silence on a swing for a long time, sorting through my thoughts and feelings. It had been four years since I had been with don Miguel and a group of Toltec teachers in Maui. At that time don Miguel, my dear friend Larry, a wonderful man nicknamed Cowboy, and I had hiked into the crater of Haleakala to retrieve the energy don Miguel had lost when he had a heart attack four years previously. At that time he was with a group of his first cycle of apprentices. When they reached the bottom of one of the deep volcanic cones inside of Haleakala don Miguel started to have a heart attack. The group managed to help him physically and energetically to hike the very steep, long miles back to the top where he stabilized his body.

My journey four years later into the cone with him and a small group of his second cycle apprentices was a huge honor for me. It was also one of the first times I saw the immense will of this little man. When we started hiking back out of the crater don Miguel passed all of us. As the three of us struggled with the altitude, the steep path and uneven footing, don Miguel seemed to literally float up the crater. And now, four years later, I was at the foot of Haleakala with a group of my own apprentices, trying to digest the fact that I may never see my beloved teacher again, and marveling at the synchronicity of my being in Maui. That journey I did lots of praying, we did a beautiful ceremony in the same cone don Miguel had his first heart attack, and I let him go with gratitude. Over the months he was in a coma we were asked by his family to truly let him go, and I was surprised to find myself feeling joy instead of sadness whenever I thought of don Miguel. I knew without a doubt that he loved me, and I knew that he knew I loved him. What else was there to say? I felt complete.

Don Miguel's mother, Sarita, was the one who pulled him back to the living after three months in a coma. He told me later he came back at Sarita's request to not die before she did. When Sarita died in May I found myself panicking; now don Miguel can die as well. And where I once felt calm and open around my teacher being dead that was not the case anymore. Perhaps my resistance was because of my father's death six months earlier, or because I had not spent much time with don Miguel in a few years. It was NOT okay for him to die. And that made me mad. I found myself repeating in my head, "But he was already dead once, he can't die again!" and feeling great loss and anguish.

Wanting to find closure again and share my gratitude for the countless gifts I've received over the years from don Miguel, I flew down to Teotihuacan for his "last" journey to the heart of Toltec wisdom.

I was amazed to find that I was nervous to see don Miguel again. My brain ran wild for the week before the journey. "What if he doesn't want to see me?" "What if no one wants to play with me?" I felt like a little kid moving to new school and wanting to be liked. Except I was returning to my spiritual family and I was afraid they may not take me back in again. And when I rounded the corner and spotted don Miguel by the pool at the hotel and saw the twinkle in his eye at seeing me, all my fears melted away. It is truly an amazing experience to be loved so unconditionally, and I loved seeing his love for everyone around him.

This trip to Teotihuacan was billed as don Miguel's last and was a mix of over 90 people, some new to the work and others who had been involved with the Toltec path for years. It was co-facilitated by his two sons, don Jose Luis and don Mikael (Miguel Jr.) who joined in the daily teachings. After his heart attack don Miguel's energy never really recovered; he was able to teach for a 1/2 hour or so at a time. His body was still compromised, especially due to the altitude we were at, but he was in rare form. His teachings were full of the fire and spunk I remembered when I worked with him in California. He gave everything he had to pass the last of his teachings to our group, focusing on the Mastery of Death.

We were invited to prepare for our own deaths in a new way; by actually seeing ourselves through the Angel of Death by becoming her. Here was a new concept; for years I have imagined the Angel of Death walking by my side (as the Toltec say, use Death as your advisor; this really puts you in the preciousness of each moment!) and to now become the Angel of Death was a profound shift. I was able to witness the sacred fragility of all things, from the seemingly most permanent to the most insignificant; all were equal. The life of a butterfly and the life of a human, or a civilization, could dissolve in a blink of an eye.

I talked with don Miguel about my new attachment to him; how I had so easily let him go before and now I felt clingy and fearful and not ready for him to die. He smiled at me and shrugged, while putting his hand to my face. "Sweetheart, we all will die," he said. "This body is tired, I am ready to go. Unless," he twinkled, "Someone or something hooks my attention!"

At this final Teo his attention was very hooked by his intent to walk up the Pyramid of the Sun one last time. One of the most poignant moments of the entire journey was when a small group of "elders," or long-term teachers of don Miguel's lineage, walked with early Sunday morning towards the Pyramid of the Sun from the hotel. Many people wanted to offer him a ride or get him a taxi, but he was adamant to walk himself. We trailed behind him as he walked briskly, and I was reminded of his lightening pace walking up the crater at Haleakala many years earlier.

When we rounded the corner of the pyramid there was a group of about 100 Mexicans dressed in white, there to honor Sarita and don Miguel. I stood behind don Miguel, surrounded by my fellow teachers and spiritual family, while he hugged and blessed every single person. Someone later reminded me that a group of our Texas spiritual community was visiting with Amma at the same time. Amma is known around the world as the hugging guru, and is a dynamo of unconditional mama love. We got to witness the papa of hugs that morning!

With each hug, don Miguel said goodbye over and over again. He then turned and hugged each of us and then sent us to walk up the pyramid. don Miguel had asked us to focus on our own death as we walked up the pyramid, but I was captivated by his journey, as were many others. I could see that each step was a goodbye, each look out over the pyramids was a blessing, each tear that was shed around him was a prayer. He showed us how to face death, with open arms and a smile, despite the failings of the body. When he reached the top I knew I had witnessed a miracle of faith over physical reality, and that this was don Miguel's final teaching to us.

I am so grateful for my reconnection with don Miguel, and though I will miss his physical form whenever he does finally embrace the Angel for the final time, I feel peace. I was also so blessed to reconnect with many of the beings who were with me on my journey of spiritually "growing up." It was beautiful to be around people who were my peers and friends, who had seen me through so many transformations, and who are blossoming in their lives. We laughed and cried and hugged through all five days together. Thank you for the light that you are.

To don Miguel: thank you. You know I love you. And I know you love me, and all of creation.

Here is the pic many of the Toltec Teachers at the Dreaming House in Teo.... Keep shining!

Inti is one year old!

2008-09-22T18:17:00.004-05:00

Here is the boy as an adult (almost). He is a combo of much mellower and also more frisky; he will now actually hang out with us, and he has discovered a the bliss of chasing deers and cats. Luckily Inti still comes when he is called. I'm about it increase his training to give him more exercise; I want to teach him how to pull a cart and do an agility course. Fun!

Below is a photo of Inti and his sister, Ellie, who is a slinky, sassy show dog. Note Inti's floppy ears and her sleek ones. We lovingly call them his Dumbo ears.

A Wimberley garden in summer glory

2008-06-18T17:07:00.008-05:00

Oh, how I have missed gardening! After years of traveling I am ecstatic to be home enough to nourish my very own little piece of earth. Well, truthfully the earth I am nourishing Raven and I drove here from our local organic gardening store, since we live on a limestone ledge that has no soil to speak of. Ryan and Raven built me beautiful limestone rock beds that are filled with a mix of compost and garden soil, just outside our back porch. Miraculously (thanks to a suggestion to leave the dog poo lying around to discourage the deer) the only munchers on the garden are grasshoppers which I now either smush with a prayer or relocated depending on my mood, and Inti who like to garden with me and occasional sample the flowers or tomatillos.

Ah, the abundance! Tomatoes, squash, tomatillos, basil, kale, peppers of three varieties, tons of zinneas, and lots of herbs. I talk to my garden every morning, seeing to its needs. More water, less water, watching for bug infestations or unhappy plants. Mostly the garden has been a splendid show of life bursting. How is it possible for the morning glories to grow two inches a day? Where did that squash come from since yesterday? So far I've been able to stay on top of the tomatoes and squash, but I know soon their proliferance will overtake me and I'll be dreaming up new and interesting ways to get rid of zucchini.

I'm currently reading Barbara Kingsolver's book Animal, Vegetable, Miracle. Her family chose to live off the land completely for a year by either growing their own food or getting it from their community. It is an inspirational journey into self-sufficiency and local support. A fact from her book that blew my mind:

If every family in the United states ate just one meal a week that consisted of local, organic produce and meat we would save 1.1 million barrels of oil a week in this country!

And from Seventh Generation comes this little fact: If every household in the United States replaced just one bottle of petroleum-based liquid laundry detergent with a vegetable-based product we could save 460,000 barrels of oil, enough to heat and cool 27,000 U.S. homes for a year! Check out their website for products and more amazing facts at http://www.seventhgeneration.com

This summer, support local farmers and consider starting a small garden if you do not already have one. Replace your dishwashing liquid or laundry detergent with a vegetable-based product. Stop using plastic bags at the grocery store; carry reusable bags with you. Small things CAN make a big difference. Thanks!

Adolescent Doggie Pics

2008-06-18T17:01:00.008-05:00

Here are the most current pictures of our doggie, Inti. He is currently living through his mouth, chewing everything in sight. He also has the equivalent of zits.... dog allergies that often show up at this age. He should outgrow them. At least he has gone from looking like a scruffy, flea-bitten third-world dog to a slightly bumpy American dog thanks to my friend (and his third co-parent) T's advice. He is now on special food, anti-histimines twice a day, apple cider vinegar, and he gets bathed with Selsum Blue shampoo once a week. He has almost learned to lift his leg when he pees, he can now jump into our big clawfoot bathtub by himself, and he loves mulching sticks on freshly swept floors. Inti!

Clear Vision

2008-06-18T17:00:00.006-05:00

When I was seven years old, I remember saying to myself, “I can see forever! I have great vision! I am a superhero!” A week later my eyes were tested for the first time, and it turned out my idea of clear vision and the doctor’s were different. It was a magical day when I got my first pair of glasses and stared in awe at the crisp edges of the world: buildings, signs, cars were suddenly sharp, neon bright, and distinct. What a revelation of sight!

On February 2 (the cross-quarter day of Candlemas) our Spiritual Integrity Coaching community started a cleanse that would last until March 20, the Spring Equinox. For years I had been doing a cleanse over Lent, inspired by my work with don Miguel who loved Easter and the story of Jesus going into the desert for 40 days to face his own demons. The intent of the cleanse was gather together as a community to support each other over a period of dedicated time in clearing something out of our lives. Some people did opinion fasts (not sharing their opinions), some did physical cleansing. One of our crew came up with a great name for our 48-day cleanse: Lense, a combination of the words Lent and Cleanse, which beautifully fit with our intent to use this period to create the spaciousness to see (lens) more clearly.

My personal intent for the Lense was clear vision, with a very physical component. The day before Candlemas I laid on a table covered by a blanket, doing my best to keep my eyes focused on a blurry red light while a laser sliced a thin layer of tissue off my eye. I had thought about laser eye surgery in the past to correct my eyesight, but always thought I would not qualify, since I had not only severe near-sightedness but also astigmatism in both eyes. Raven encouraged me to find out the reality, and now he stood outside the operating room watching the procedure on a television screen that magnified my eye to gigantic, see-it-all-in-vivid-detail, size.

First, the eye is held immobile by a circular vacuum clamp. That was the most uncomfortable part of the procedure; eyelids stretched wide open with strong pressure on the eyeball itself. The doctor gently talked me through each stage of the process as I practiced relaxing my body, breathing, and telling myself that I was not being randomly tortured in a foreign county by people trying to get information out of me. I paid good money for this discomfort!

The procedure itself is actually very simple thanks to the technical marvel of computers and lasers. A paper-thin conrneal flap is sliced by knife or laser and then carefully peeled back. A second laser, (a tissue-ablating excimer laser according to the pamplet) which has been programmed in advance to the specific contours of each eye, reshapes the eye to correct the shape of the eye so light refracts properly.

The story of blurr: Myopia, or nearsightedness results when the eyeball is too long or the cornea is curved too steeply so light focuses in front of the retina. Hyperopia, or farsightedness results when the eyeball is too short or the corneal curvature is too flat, causing light to focus behind the retina. Astigmatism is when the eyeball is oblong so the light cannot focus properly anywhere. 20/20 vision is when the eyeball is shaped so light coming into the eye focuses exactly at the retina and voila, you can see.

Eye drop, eye drop, eye drop, blink blink blink. My eye is stabilized again and the second laser is put in place. It beeps each time it ablates. (I'll have to remember to look up the word "ablate"). The recarving takes seconds and is easy, except for the point when everything went white and my mind started yelling that I was going to be blind. Blind! And then it was over. When the corneal flap was put back into place (it naturally sticks right into place without stitches) the blurry red light I have been faithfully staring at suddenly comes into vivid focus. I stare in amazement; what had been a soft sea of red now reveals its true nature as a series of tiny red circles, bright pinpoints of light shining at me.

When the staff stands me up and asks me to read the time from the clock on the wall my brain cannot process to see clearly and figure out what the big and little hand says. But I can see that there is a big and little hand, and both are in FOCUS! I am giddy when I leave the room, eyes protected behind my Charles Ray sunglasses. I am told to go right home and take a nap, keep my eyes closed.

Here was a serious technical error on my part. I was so excited I stared at everything out the window. I wanted food. I wanted to dance. We stopped and Raven ran to get me food. I ate, marveling at the sharpness and sudden turn around of my vision. So easy! I can see, I can see!

Then the pain started to hit. If I had listened to my doctor's advice I would have laid myself out in the back seat with something over my head and gone to sleep on the hour drive home. The directive: go home and take a nap did not take into account that we lived an hour away. I could not get away from the light, which burned like acid. I've never experienced light as pure pain, and it was incredible. I now have a tiny inkling of what it might be like to be in the vicinity of a nuclear bomb and the wrenching brightness of annilation. And my sincerest compassion to anyone who has had severe migranes. Even with Raven's leather coat over my head and my black black sunglasses and my eyes shut I whimpered. My body freaked out completely, so I was shaking and in terror by the time we arrived at home. Raven pulled our most comfortable chair into the darkest room of our house, sealed off the window, gave me a pain pill, and held my hand until I finally fell asleep.

Three hours later I woke up to find the pain was gone and my eyes were happy again. The only evidence of the surgery was a curved red line around one iris where the suction broke blood vessels, and the fact that I could see myself in the mirror with my own eyes.

My eyes took their sweet time in the healing process. Many people have the surgery and have perfect vision the next day. I found that for weeks I could see everything beautifully as long as it was within four feet of me. Everything beyond this was blurry. My intent had been clear vision, both for my outer and my inner sight, so what did it mean that I could no longer see the stars except as faint ghosts and I couldn't register what a sign said when I was driving until I was already past it? I mourned that I could no longer see the individual leaves in the oak trees outside my house. I panicked when driving to a new place because I would keep getting lost. Before the surgery there was a familiar blur when I took my glasses or contacts out; this new (even though it was improved) fuzziness was unfamiliar and deeply unsettling.

I was truly amazed to experience how attached I was to my eyesight. Each time my eyes were checked I was told be patient, they will heal. Some people just take a long time and they had to cut a lot of my eye to bring it to the proper shape. The first week I was not patient, but frustrated and anxious for spending thousands of dollars to make my eyesight worse. My old glasses no longer worked, so I existed in a world that was clear just in front of me and consistently blurry beyond that. Some days I trusted, some days I felt hysterical. And I kept coming back to: what is the lesson. I had gone to the surgery with a strong intent for clear vision. What was the gift here? And of course it was simple: one morning I recognized, oh, I do not need to see into the future. My work is to be right here, in this present moment.

Putting eye drops in my eyes every 1/2 hour for the first two months after the surgery became a spiritual awareness practice. I set a little alarm and every half hour I consciously took a breath, restated my intent of clear vision, and put in my drops. When I taught I invited the entire room to stop each half hour and come into awareness with me, hold their own intent, as I squeezed artificial tears to nourish my eyes.

Last month the road department came through our little neighbor hood and put up new signs. One of them reads: Limited Sight Distance. I laughed, knowing the sign was just for me. Stop looking beyond this moment, Heather Ash. Don't try to peer beyond the next hill!

Today my eyes fluctuate, sometimes coming perfectly into to 20/20 vision, while other days I still struggle to read signs in the distance and the trees remain gauzy Monet images. The 20/20 days are truly amazing. Suddenly I can see the piercing clarity and sharpness of everything around me. Colors brighten, words pop. My heart sings at the beauty. Days like today, when the hills outside the window blur into the fuzzy clouded blue sky, are still miracles. I am seeing this computer screen and my mocha latte frappachino with whipped cream on the table with my own eyes. Each day is a surprise. I've learned clear vision is not a fixed state we reach where all becomes clear, but a presence of being moment to moment with what is.

New Toltec Puppy Pics

2008-01-10T02:40:00.000-06:00

Inti is now snoring in the other room after a good day of walking with mom, terrorizing the house, and crashing through fences. Click here to check out pictures of the newest addition to the family...

http://www.spiritualintegrity.com/hablog/intipics.html

Sacred Time Management Preview!

2008-01-10T02:38:00.001-06:00

By Heather Ash Amara

Satima, or SAcred TIme MAnagement, is the art of cultivating more connection to spirit in each moment. When we live our life as art we make room for creativity, flow, connection, synchronicity, and magic. We learn to slow down internally and make choices not from our fear, but from our stillness.

In the Western world we are trained to use our brains and our will to power through whatever needs to be done. As we become a more technological society and the speed of our communication increases, so does our own frantic pace to keep up. So many of us spend our time overwhelmed, feeling behind, frustrated, and never getting to the projects that lie in our heart. We cram meals and spirit in between work and getting the kids to school on time and paying bills. Our jobs become filled with drama or exhaustion or rote behavior. Our spirit begins to diminish from lack of nourishment.

A dear friend and mentor shared a story that embodies the poignancy of our need for change in our relationship to work. She is a professional, sought after teacher with students around the world. She travels constantly doing what she loves. And she confessed to me her own burn out.

“I went into teaching to support my spiritual path, but now I notice that my life is, ‘did the Germans get the flyer?’ ‘What workshop should we do in the Spring?’” She laughed and said “All I wanted to do was meditate, and now I have a farm!” She told me this story:

A monk and his disciple spend their days in silent meditation. One day the master leaves, telling his disciple he will be back sometime in the future. A couple of days go by and the disciple realized he is hungry. He decides to go out and buy a cow so he can have milk. He goes back to meditating. Then he realizes he has to feed the cow. So he buys some seeds and plants hay for the cow. The crop grows, and he needs help harvesting it. So he gets married. He has children. The family needs a home so he builds a house and gets more cows. They also plant a garden, and get some chickens. Years later the master arrives to find a whole farm where there once was only two men sitting in meditation…

We go into our work sometimes because we must, and sometimes because it is our joy. Yet how often do we end up swamped, not fulfilled, or burnt out? This problem is an epidemic in all types of work, from corporations to massage therapists, retail stores to spiritual teachers.

I deeply understand this dilemma, as I am a recovering overwhelmer. I founded and ran a spiritual center in Berkeley that began as a group of five beings starting a spiritual nonprofit. Soon it had blossomed into numerous apprenticeship programs, a teaching program, ten circles across the country, a staff, payroll, board meetings and outreach programs. It was a joy to make my dream come true, and I soon learned that my foundation was out of alignment with my vision. Over time what started as a spiritual blessing drained my energy, dissolved my enthusiasm, and left our entire staff burnt out and frustrated. This was not due to the Center or the staff or the amount of work, but to my own structure.

What I learned over the last year of the Center’s existence and in the two years since is the core of the Satima principles.

No matter how exciting and service oriented your work may be if you do not clear out old habits they will compromise all that you do. This principle also applies to all of your relationships.

If you do not enjoy your work, clearing out your old belief systems will bring you a sense of ease and fulfillment, no matter what you are doing.

If you are planning to leave your boring corporate job to pursue your dreams you will re-create similar dynamics and issues if you do not also focus on cleaning up your own old agreements.

Satima is not about better tools to make you a faster, more efficient business machine. It is a complete rewiring of your system, a foundational shift. Satima cuts through old programming, fear, and survival strategies and invites you to start making choices from your essence rather than your head. It invites you to use the workplace (and the rest of your life!) to explore and unweave tangled energetics in your being. It asks you to take responsibility for your creation. It asks you to be more intimate with yourself, to live from your depth instead of your crust.

When we live from our crust we follow unconscious habits and patterns, or simply model ourselves after what everyone else is doing. In Sacred Time Management we start with bringing awareness to these behaviors as a means to more conscious choice and depth.

I am slowly and deliciously working on this book; expect to see it in print at the end of the year....

Transitions; For my Dad

2008-01-10T02:36:00.000-06:00

My father passed away October 26th, 2007 surrounded by myself, my mom, my sister, and Raven. He had been sick with leukemia (and the chemotherapy to treat the leukemia) for the past two years. When he relapsed after being cancer-free for a few months we knew it would not be long before he died. This was the first death of someone very close to me, and the first time I was with someone when they passed. It was a huge honor and a blessings. I have been riding the waves of grief and gratitude, joy and sadness since his death, and I have especially noticed what a huge energetic shift it is when you lose one of your parents. I have experienced the amazing gift of getting to have the time to say goodbye to someone you love before they die, and the sense of loss that remains even with a “good” death. Below I share two of my intimate writings around my own process: One I wrote to my Dad to honor him, and another I wrote after his death about my experience. I hope that these words will inspire you to love more fully, make amends as needed, and deepen your own awe at the dance of life and death as we move towards Winter Solstice.

Blessed Holy Days; remember that EVERY day is sacred!

Visit his memorial page at http://www.spiritualintegrity.com/hablog/dadmemorialpage.html

-- Heather Ash

Dad,

One of my first memories of you is as the one who saved me from the
scary monkey when I was around five or six. We were in some botanical
garden (Singapore?), and as would continue to happen in years to
come, my curiosity brought me closer than I really needed to be. The
caged monkey must have spotted a potential treat, or a way to
entertain itself; it grabbed my hair through its cage and started
pulling. I screamed bloody murder, you dropped your video camera and
came running to save me.

You would come to my rescue many times in the years to come, When I
was a little older (or maybe even younger, since we learned to swim
so early) I remember swimming in a public pool, splashing around with
my green waterwings wrapped around my forearms. I went to sit at the
edge of the pool and suddenly had a brilliant (in my mind only)
inspiration: if the wings would keep me afloat to swim, then if I put
them around my feet I could walk on water! With great glee and pride
at my brilliance I took the triangle-shaped puffs of air, pulled them
around my ankles, and stepped onto the blue surface of the water. I
was horribly disappointed to find myself upside down under water, and
I assume that you were again the one to drop everything and get me
out of another precarious situation.

I loved how much time we spent in the water when we lived in
Singapore and Hong Kong, and I have many happy memories of us on our
junk, you as captain, traveling out to open sea where Christy and I
jumped off the roof and swam for hours.

You were always there for me throughout my childhood; coming to our
horseback riding events, watching me at track meets, sitting
patiently at the Olympics while we oowed and aawed over dressage
details that made no sense to you. I remember our "forced marches"
when we went to Europe and you wanted to make sure that we saw every
church and museum. Christy and I only wanted to play in the parks or
jump on the beds in our many hotel rooms. But to this day I do have a
great love of both old cathedrals and museums, I'm sure imparted by
you and your love of architecture and history.

I remember the incredible stress you were under when a co-worker of
yours was shot in his car after both you and he were threatened by a
disgruntled employee in Thailand. We were on summer vacation in the
United States, and you had to decide if we would go back or not. We
did go back, and to make sure we were safe you had a huge fence built
around the house and we were carefully chaperoned to work each day,
while you sometimes took two different cars to work.

You were always fiercely dedicated to your work, and to each factory
and the people within them. You mentored so many people and touched
the lives of thousands of workers, making sure that they received
good wages and proper time off. You were always very respectful of
their customs and beliefs, and went far out of your way to learn
them. Both you and mom were so open-minded and curious about how
other people thought and lived, and both Christy and I soaked this up
from you.

In my exuberant way I wanted to be a million things when I grew up.
Once I came to you, thrilled to share, "I want to be a stewardess!"
It seemed the perfect job for me. Your comment was, "Heather, a
stewardess is only a glorified waitress." I was crushed for a while,
and soon realized you were right. This proved true about my dream to
be a veterinary, which you did not share my excitement and I soon
grew out of. But you did always support me in the one thing I had
loved doing since I was a child: writing.

I wrote what I thought was a fabulous entrance letter to my college
of choice, UC Davis. I am sure you encouraged me to apply to
different schools, but I also inherited your determination and
stubborn streak, so I only applied to the one I wanted. Turns out I
was rejected, and you came to my rescue again, writing to the
administration to convince them that they should let me into the
school based on my being a resident of California since we owned a
house there and paid property taxes. Amazing how you turned that
around! And then paid for out of state tuition for a year until I got
my residency. I am so grateful for your support of me during college
so I did not have to work. We had some rocky times as I individuated,
and we had some heated political and socio-economic debates in those
early years, which I sometimes think you missed as I got older and
lost my political fire in favor of spiritual endeavors. We rarely
agreed on politics, and I know many times you wondered what the hell
I was doing with my life, and I am grateful that you supported me
despite my inconsistencies and sometimes wacky choices. I loved when
you and mom came with Gini and I to Peru, and when you both attended
a firewalk with me. You always gave me good life and business
advance, most of which I needed to go out and learn the hard way. But
I did learn, and you were always a great influence, whether it
appeared that you were having an impact or not on your eldest daughter.

Some of my favorite stories about you:

How you and your brothers loved basketball and all sports, and you
would play on anyone's team, changing your last name to fit in with
the Irish or German or whatever nationality was playing.

How you grew up speaking French and English and going to Catholic
school, but you always encouraged Christy and I to choose our own
connection to God.

How you chose to drive to California in your little sports car when
you were in your early twenties, not having a job but determined you
would get one when you got there. Which of course you did. I also
love that when you came to visit me years later in California, the
publishing company where I worked was literally around the corner
from the place you had worked twenty or so years earlier! Genetics!

How you showed up to pick up mom and take her to Las Vegas to get
married on December 31, 1965 when she thought you were going to pick
her up on January 1rst, 1966. You calmly told us: I know it was
December 31rst because I wanted the tax break. You were always very
practical.

How in Thailand when the company bought a new piece of land and you
heard about women going into hysterics and hearing voices that the
spirit needed a temple you called in your people to figure out what
was going on and narrowed it down to the fact that the new land did
not have a spirit temple. You had a big one built and called the
priests in to bless everything, and peace was restored.

How you and mom agreed to send me wherever I wanted to go for a month
one summer while you were in the States. I was about nineteen or
twenty at the time. You were hoping that I would want to go to Spain
to practice my Spanish; I wanted to go to Nepal and India. Despite
your misgivings you sent me on what was one of the most pivotal
journeys of my life. I spent the time wandering around the old
temples of Nepal, breathing in the peace and spirit there. I took a
bus towards the Himalayas and saw Annapurna. I watched Hindu rituals,
went for long walks in the rain, and loved being on my own. Towards
the end of my stay there was a huge earthquake in Kathamandu, which
killed hundreds of people. I didn't know it at the time, but you were
terrified that I had been killed by the earthquake, and when I got
off the plane to meet you in India, you gave me a hug I will never
forget. Though you often had a difficult time sharing your emotions,
that embrace said it all.

Which leads to my favorite story of you, that took place in a hotel
in Bombay. I was in my heavy political phase at the time, wearing
flowered skirts and ragged, hand-me-down t-shirts and believing that
most of the world's evil was the fault of multi-national corporations
and the greed of capitalism. You were looking out the window of the
hotel, staring down at a small village below. You said," When I stay
here, I always ask for this room." My mind was saying something
about, "See, the bourgeois patriarchal white male looks down from his
kingdom at the peasants below, a pleasant view." I walked over to
look out the window and you said quietly, "I watched this village for
a while and realized that the people did not have running water, and
the woman had to walk a couple of miles to get water. So I paid to
have someone sink two wells right there." My cocky self-righteousness
and distain for wealth took a big hit that day, thankfully never to
recover.

You shared two stories with me recently about your parents: one was a
memory of sitting in the kitchen with your mother, keeping her
company while she cooked (Mom says, no wonder you were her favorite!)
and one about Pa. Apparently the neighborhood kids had discovered the
joys of playing with gunpowder; taking your father's bullets and
throwing them to the ground for the explosion. One day your Dad
confronted you, asking if you had been stealing his bullets, and you
lied. He smacked you hard, and you got a good lesson in never lying
to him again, and not messing with dangerous things.

You were always wonderful with your parents, and we visited them
every year. You gave me good role model of honoring family and
helping when times got rough. I am grateful I've had the opportunity
to spend time with you and get to know you better through both your
prostate cancer and the leukemia. You continually show yourself to be
incredibly courageous, determined, and positive. When I asked you
what your advice to someone with cancer is, you told me, 'Keep
going." And you have kept going, through so many hurdles and
difficulties.

When my teacher don Miguel had his heart attack many years ago and
was in a coma for three months I learned a valuable lesson. I
realized that even though I had not gotten to say goodbye to him, I
knew without a doubt that he loved me. And I also knew without a
doubt that he knew that I loved him. And so I felt at peace, that our
hearts were full of each other. I feel the same way with you Dad. I
know you love me, and I know you know I love you. Thank you for that
gift in my life, it is precious.

Five days ago or so you were eating pizza and joking with your
brothers Leo and Richard; today you spend most of your time sleeping
and on morphine for the pain in your back. It appears that you are
now actively dying, but we all know that at any moment you could sit
up and say "When is my football game on?" We don't put anything past
you! If you wanted to, we all know you could hold on longer. But I
know you are tired, and ready to go on to the next place, and want it
to be a quick transition. You have fought an amazing battle, and I am
so grateful for the extra two years that we all spent together as a
family: for getting to share my wedding to Raven with you (you told
me that day, "This is a moment I have been waiting for for forty
years!"); for the sweet moments of playing dominoes at Christy's
kitchen table last December, of talking with you on the phone, of
going for drives in the car or pushing you around the park in your
wheelchair, of listening to stories and getting to know you better. I
love that last week you got to go for a ride in Christy's new
convertible.

I don't know if you will be able to read this letter, but I do know
that the feelings of my heart are echoed in yours, and it is
complete. And if this indeed your time my prayer for you is that when
you pass all of your many good deeds are noted and you are embraced
by those who love you from the other side: Nana, Papa, and especially
your older brother Paul, who I know will be eager to see you! I
wonder if you will talk computers?!

You will leave behind many people who have been touched by you, and
many people who love you and will continue to hold you in our hearts.